Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
