Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
