He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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