I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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