He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
