Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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