We won't sleep together?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
