I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
