Who wears a wallet chain?!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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