On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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