This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
