Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
