Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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