No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
