If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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