I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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