Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
