Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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