First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize