My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
