In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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