where am i from again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
