i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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