i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
