Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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