If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
