I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize