D3 body, D1 cock
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
