our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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