all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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