dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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