My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
