When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wear drunk well.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
