You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
