Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
