White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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