In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
