I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
