The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
