I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
