i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
