I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
