its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
