you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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