i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We left the knife in your bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
wow bdsm is so cute
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
