I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
