I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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