yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
