Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
