Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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