in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize