Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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