You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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