I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
