Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Randomize
