my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
