i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
