do herpes really smell.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
