omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
