Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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