Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
