i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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