K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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